Old Stuff's Cool Too!
by Charon the Sabercat
Summary: Five sisters, each obsessed with the previous generation's music style (90's, 80's, 70's, 60's, and 50's) challenge Parappa too prove that old music is cool too! Chap. 5, 60s
1. The Raccoon Sisters and Parappa's Words

Old stuff's cool too!  
  
I've played Parappa the Rapper. I've play Parappa the Rapper 2. And now it's time I play WITH Parappa the Rapper! WAHAHAHA!  
  
You know me; I'm Parappa. This is the story of one of my most life-changing experiences yet. It all started when I was eating lunch at Beard Burgers...  
  
Lesse, it was me, Sunny, Katy, Lammy, PJ... and Ma-san. I almost forgot about Ma-san. Anyway, we were all eating lunch, minding our own business, when All the sudden, the sisters walked in.  
  
The sisters are some weird girls that moved into town a couple of days ago. The look really funny. They're some kinda cross between a fox and a raccoon, but that's not why they look funny. It's something I can't quite put my finger on...  
  
***  
  
Parappa watched with one eye as the five 3-dimensional sisters sat down at their usual table. They were all giggling and hollering and talking up a storm; they nearly drowned out everyone there. Sunny mumbled something about bad manners and concentrated on her pie. They were the Beckett sisters, the weirdest group of kids in all of PaRappa Town.  
  
The youngest sister, Parappa's age, was Celine Dione Beckett; a young fox/raccoon who never seemed to grasp that the 90's had ended 4 years ago. Her black hair (all of the sisters had black hair) was tied in a side- ponytail and secured with a butterfly clip. Her tank-top had the all-too- recognizable Mudd logo printed onto the front, the brown contrasting the light blue background. Her flair bottom jeans had their "Levis" tags ripped off. Under her jeans, her wore black Nike tennis-shoes. Her face was round and childish, and her tail was slightly ruffled from running around like a maniac.  
  
The second youngest, a year older than Celine (all of the sisters; excecpt the oldest, were a year apart in age), was Pat Benetar Beckett. Her hair was fluffed and frizzed and teased into a giant fluffball, high on one side and low on the other (her tail was also puffed up this way). Her pink button-down shirt bore a tiny alligator decal on the left side of her chest; an Izod shirt. Her acid-wash Jordaches fit her tighter than her own fur, stopping once they reached her day-glow, zebra-stripe Converse shoes. She constantly checked the time on her Swatch-watch, getting confused time- to-time because she couldn't see past her Swatch-guard. Her face was just a touch narrower than her younger sister, and her eyes were more mischevious than childish.  
  
The middle sister, Gloria Gaynor Beckett, wore her hair long and straight. She wore a fringed suede vest over her cheesecloth peasant-blouse, and flair-bottom jeans under that. Her shoes looked only half-made, with the front part covering her paw but the back part open. Her peasant blouse didn't quite sit on her shoulders correctly, and her vest was beginning to come undone; Lammy, having an older step-sister in college, recognized this as a hand-me-down item. Her blue mood ring announced that she was in a pleasant mood; this could also be told by her kind and fox-ish face. Her hair and tail were sleeked back into a fine shine.  
  
Now we reach the second oldest sister, Aretha Franklin Beckett, affectionately dubbed "The Hippie". A tie-die headband sat fittingly on her large ears. Her faux-leather fringe-vest covered her (presumably) uncovered torso, and her legs were left bare by her hot-pants. She wore strappy, yet comfortable looking sandals. Around her neck her bore a Peace-sign charm choker necklace. Her hair was terribly dreadlocked, and her tail was unmistakingly tangled; the natural look. Her face was dreamy and sort of glazed; she was always off in a world of her own.  
  
And last but not least, the oldest sister, Ella Fitzgerald Beckett. She wore a simple button-up, long sleeved, red shirt, tucked carefully into a long gray skirt. The oldest of the Beckett sisters (3 years old than Aretha) wore black high-heels under her conservative attire. She hair was cut short and trim; her tail was neatly brushed, and nothing more. In her hands she carried an Elvis Presley record; why, no one knew. Her face was particularly mean and nasty; no one had ever seen her smile outside of her own home. She was the only one of all of the sisters who never joined in on the crazy (and loud) conversations, like what they were having now.  
  
"Did you SEE me on Pacman?" Pat laughed inbetween bites of cheeseburger. "I was awesome!"  
  
"I hear that!" whistled Gloria.  
  
"Would've whooped your Butt at Pacman if Ella had just given me my token!" Celine hollered to her elder sister.  
  
"Tone down, little sister, the day is not yet done," Aretha cooed, pushing away the remains of her noodle burger. "We still must shop for the elder figure's birthday."  
  
"It Is Daddy's birthday?" Celine jolted upright. "I forgot!" She began smacking herself in the forehead. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"  
  
The sister's laughed before Gloria grabbed her empty milkshake cup. "No please, allow me." She then crushed the cup on Celine's head. "STUPID!"  
  
The sister's just laughed harder and began screaming their own little words of jubulation.  
  
"Tu-bu-lar!"  
  
"Boss, man!"  
  
"Heavy!"  
  
"Ugh..." Parappa mumbled while sticking out his tongue. "Don't they ever shut up?"  
  
"It's rude to act like that in public!" Sunny sipped her orange soda before continuing. "They should know better!"  
  
"And what's with the way they dress?" Lammy quietly contributed.  
  
"They're stuck in a time warp, girl," Katy explained.  
  
#They took a jump to the left, and then a step to the right!# Ma-san joked to herself. #They put their hands on their hips and brought they knees in tii-Iii-IIIGHT!#  
  
As Ma-san kept singing to herself, PJ gobbled down some cake and began to speak again. "Those girls need to get with the times."  
  
"Yeah!" Parappa crumpled his burger wrapper. "Besides, old stuff stinks."  
  
For some plot-moving reason, the girls overheard this callous comment from the puppy. They immediately stopped talking and glared at Parappa with evil, loathsome eyes.  
  
"Uh oh," Lammy whimpered as she spotted the sisters Beckett slowly rising from their seat and stalking to their table. Parappa saw the much-taller- than-him-girls staring down at him and nearly choked on his tongue.  
  
"Old music stinks, huh?" Gloria snarled, showing the fox part of her lineage.  
  
"Yeah, but..." Parappa began to fight back, but Gloria snatched him by the shirt collar and pulled him to her face.  
  
"And what exactly do You think is good music, weirdo?!" Pat watched the dog over her sister's shoulder.  
  
The first thing that popped into Parappa's head was the only type of music he was good at. "Rap!"  
  
Gloria dropped him quickly, but not because she accepted his answer.  
  
"Rap?" Celine shouted to her sisters.  
  
"Rap?" they all said together...  
  
They then broke into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, causing Colonel Noodle to send some employees to eject them.  
  
"This isn't settled, Rap Boy!" Pat screamed to Parappa as an angry slug wiggled her out of the door. "Meet us tonight behind Cafe' Rodney!"  
  
Parappa watched as the sisters were shooed away, still sitting on the floor where he was so unceremoniously dropped. He sat for a few seconds, cast a forlorn look at his friends, and spoke to himself.  
  
"Well, that was quick."  
  
***  
  
'Course everything moves kinda fast in Parappa Town. It took a lot of convincing to get Dad to let me go out late. Well, actually, it didn't, but I still felt pretty guilty about it. Katy had to babysit a friend's kid, so she couldn't come with me. So, it was me, PJ, Lammy, and Ma-san (just in case somebody needed a pounding). It was kinda scary, going behind the Cafe Rodney at twilight, when everything was getting dark... it made you wonder...  
  
***  
  
"Why'd the girls wanna meet us here?" Parappa asked the three kids who stood behind him, not looking At them, but keeping an eye on the cafe before him.  
  
"They wanted us to meet them Behind here," PJ remarked.  
  
"Whatever," Parappa shrugged off the comment. "W-whaddaya think they're gonna do?"  
  
#Does it matter?# Ma-san gurgled. #You know karate, right?#  
  
"Hey, that's right!" PJ spoke as enthusiastically as he could, which wasn't very. "You could beat them up easy!"  
  
"I-I'm only a white belt... I don't get my yellow belt until next Tuesday..."  
  
"Parappa's right," Lammy, the shy one, began to agree. "Maybe we should go back ho-"  
  
"Rap boy!"  
  
Pat's ridiculously poofy hair nearly clouded her face as it shot out from behind the Cafe Rodney. "The sisters are waiting for you!"  
  
Parappa gulped. "Here I go. Are you guys coming with me?"  
  
"No way, hose'!" PJ yelled, turning tail to run. "I'm not going back there!"  
  
And away PJ ran, back to his house before Parappa could stop him.  
  
Ma-san did not share PJ's opinion. #We're with ya all the way, Rappy Boy!#  
  
Lammy nodded in agreement, although her eyes suggested she would rather be home watching "Romantic Karate".  
  
"Okay, here we go." Parappa stepped into the alley, behind the cafe, and into another world.  
  
It was nearly pitch-black behind the cafe; it smelled of stale bread and cooking steak. Twice Parappa knocked into a trashcan; Lammy was heard tripping over one and landing face-first into a puddle of (hopefully) water. Parappa felt blindly around until his eyes adjusted to the sight of the trashcan filled space and the five raccoon sisters.  
  
"Why are we back here?" Parappa asked the sisters, not aiming for one sister in general.  
  
"We live here," said an unrecognizable, mature voice.  
  
"Actually, we live below here," Celine explained, pointing to a manhole cover beneath her feet.  
  
"We only socialize on the above ground; we dwell in the below ground, can you relate?" Aretha droned.  
  
"Can I go home now?" Lammy whined.  
  
"Zip it, square!" Gloria snapped at the lamb before opening the manhole, releasing a dim beam of light. "So, Biggie Smalls, you think that rap is the best kind of music there is, huh?"  
  
"Well, I did," Parappa tried to worm his way out of the situation. "But-"  
  
"Too late, the decision has been made." There was that strange voice again. Parappa couldn't tell which sister it was coming from, or even if it was a sister. "Now, unless you want to go cruisin' for a bruisin', you'd better follow us."  
  
"A-a-a-all of us?" Lammy stuttered.  
  
#No way am I going down there!# Ma-san protested.  
  
"Fine, you can stay above ground, little ones," Aretha purred in a rare moment of offensiveness. "If you admit, of course, that the Beatles are better than any rapper in history."  
  
"And that Pop music is better than rap!" Celine added onto the list.  
  
"And heavy metal! And Techno, too!" Pat cheered.  
  
"And Disco!" Gloria struck a familiar disco pose.  
  
"And Big Band." That stupid unidentified voice!  
  
Something hit Parappa so suddenly that the words simply burst out of his mouth. "NEVER!"  
  
"Fine then," Celine pointed down the manhole. "IN!"  
  
I'm not good at intros. But, anyway, this chapter is DONE!  
  
Next chapter; The weird world of the raccoons and Celine's challenge! 


	2. The Weird World of the Raccoons and Celi...

Old Stuff's Cool Too! 2  
  
Hey-ya! I'm back, and this is chapter 2, "The Weird World of the Raccoons and Celine's Challenge"! That sounded like an anime' title, didn't it? COOL! Sorry about all the weird song spacing, but you can't really do very good songfics in Microsoft Word because all the words mush together if you don't space each paragraph. How unfair! Anybody got a trick for this?  
  
It's Parappa again. We left off with me and the gang going down the manhole, remember? Well, lemme tell ya, it's not what I expected. First Dad's secret room, and now this...  
  
***  
  
It was an underground city, complete with skyscrapers, streetlamps, restaurants, the whole nine yards! Well, 8 1/2 yards; no cars. The small group of animals were standing on a medium-sized amphetheatre stage; a very old, rotting amphetheatre. Rats could be seen scampering through the wooden rafters, and old electrical equipment lay abandoned on the rusted catwalks. Other than that, it was a really cool view of the city.  
  
"WOW!" Katy Kat marveled at the vast cavern. "This has to stretch out underneath the whole town!"  
  
"Farther if you count the park," Celine explained. "This is where We grew up." "We" obviously referred to her and her sisters. Speaking of which...  
  
"Where are your sisters?" Lammy asked Celine, placing a hand to her chin and looking around curiously.  
  
"My sisters are all scattered throughout the town!" Celine happily squealed. "Defeat me, and I'll point you in Pat's direction. Each sister will bring you closer to your house, Parappa. You can't get home unless you beat us!"  
  
"WHAT?!" Parappa didn't know that it was such a high-stakes battle; traveling at night in Parappa Town was dangerous, despite (or maybe because of) the small size. His dad was probably furious that he wasn't in bed by now.  
  
"Oh no!" Lammy squealed.  
  
#My father's going to kill me!# Ma-san gurgled, hiding behind Lammy's legs.  
  
"Ready for your first challenge?" Celine hissed.  
  
"Um..."  
  
"Come on, Parappa, you can do it!" Katy punched the air in her excitement. Lammy and Ma-san both agreed, nodding their heads comfortingly.  
  
"Yeah, I know!" Parappa let loose his favorite three words in the whole world. "I GOTTA BELIEVE!" ***  
  
(Music begins. Parappa does not recognize it, but it will be extremely obvious what's playing once I type in the words.)  
  
(The words "Lesson 1" appear on the screen. Celine and Parappa are standing side by side on the concrete Ampetheatre, with the sisters and Parappa's friends in back.)  
  
Celine: Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me;  
  
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed  
  
She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb  
  
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.  
  
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming.  
  
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running.  
  
Parappa: Didn't make sense not to live for fun;  
  
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.  
  
(Rat falls on Parappa's head; he's not singing the song right.)  
  
So much to do, so much to see,  
  
So what's wrong with taking the back streets?  
  
Celine: You'll never know if you don't go.  
  
You'll never shine if you don't glow.  
  
Celine: Hey now you're an All Star!  
  
Parappa: Get your game on, go play.  
  
Celine: Hey now you're a Rock Star!  
  
Parappa: Get the show on get paid.  
  
(Spotlights shine on Parappa; he's singing better, and getting into it.)  
  
Celine: And all that glitters is gold;  
  
Only shooting stars break the mold!  
  
("Lesson 2")  
  
Parappa: It's a cool place and they say it gets colder.  
  
You're bundled up now, (but) wait 'til you get older.  
  
Celine: But the media men beg to differ,  
  
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.  
  
Celine: The ice we skate is getting pretty thin.  
  
Parappa: The waters getting warm, so you might as well swim!  
  
Celine: My world's on fire! How 'bout yours?  
  
Parappa: That's the way I like it and I never get bored.  
  
("Lesson 3")  
  
Celine: Hey now, you're an All Star!  
  
Parappa: Get your game on, go play!  
  
Celine: Hey now, you're a Rock Star!  
  
Parappa: Get the show on, get paid  
  
Celine: And all that glitters is gold;  
  
Only shooting stars break the mold!  
  
(Celine: G-g-g-g-go for the moon! (record scratching) G-g-g-g-go for the moon!  
  
(record scratching)  
  
Parappa: G-go-g-go for the moon!)  
  
Celine: Hey now, you're an All Star!  
  
Parappa: Get your game on, go play!  
  
Celine: Hey now, you're a Rock Star!  
  
Parappa: Get the show on, get paid!  
  
Celine: And all that glitters is gold;  
  
Only shooting STARRRS!!  
  
("Lesson 4")  
  
Celine: Somebody once asked, "Could you spare some change for gas?  
  
I need to get myself away from this place."  
  
Parappa: I said, "Yep. What a concept;  
  
I could use a little fuel myself,  
  
And we could all use a little change."  
  
Celine: Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming!  
  
Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running!  
  
Parappa: Didn't make sense not to live for fun;  
  
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb!  
  
Celine: So much to do!  
  
Parappa: So much to see!  
  
Celine: So what's wrong with taking the back streets?  
  
Parappa: You'll never know if you don't go!  
  
Celine: GO!  
  
Parappa: You'll never shine if you don't glow!  
  
Celine: Hey now, you're an All Star!  
  
Get your game on, go play!  
  
Parappa: Hey now, you're a Rock Star!  
  
Get the show on, get paid!  
  
Celine: And all that glitters is gold;  
  
Only shooting stars break the mold!  
  
Parappa: And all that glitters is gold;  
  
Only shooting stars break the mold!  
  
(Music ends.)  
  
****  
  
Celine roared angrily, looking very fox-esque at this point. "NO NO NO NOOOOOOO!" She hopped around madly (she was hopping mad! (Reader: (groans), clenching her fist and pounding the ground. "You obviously cheated! It's not fair!"  
  
"Alright!" Parappa laughed. "That wasn't too hard!"  
  
Parappa felt higher than a cloud; he had beaten the first sister, and it was barely even a challenge! Sure, it was different from rapping; he actually had to change the tone of his voice. But, it was fun!  
  
But, his spirits were broken quickly and swiftly by one little sentence from Ma-san.  
  
#You sing like a girl!#  
  
His ears dropped sadly, and worry tinged his voice. "I do...?"  
  
"Yeah, ya do. Whatcha gonna do about it, foo'?" Celine seethed. "Pat's over that way." She pointed in the direction of a far-off restaurant, decorated with bright neon lights spelling "80's Cafe". "She'll meet you in the door."  
  
"I sound like a girl?" Parappa whimpered.  
  
"Come on, Parappa!" Katy Kat hoisted Parappa off of the ground and began to carry him to the Cafe.  
  
***  
  
"But I sing like a girl!" Parappa whimpered as he began the long walk to Pat's cafe meeting place.  
  
"And since when was that a bad thing?" Katy snapped.  
  
"It's not! Singing like a girl's okay when it's COMING FROM A GIRL!" Parappa let loose a rare burst of energy, then sank back into his little shadow-self. "What'm I s'posed ta do?"  
  
"Um... don't worry about it?" Lammy suggested.  
  
"Yeah, you didn't even seem to notice it while you were singing!" Katy realized.  
  
#I had to point it out to you, Alvin!#  
  
"Don't make it worse, Ma-san!" Parappa half-yelled.  
  
"Look, just concentrate on getting past Pat, and you'll be fine!" Katy gave her best advice yet. "Don't worry about how you're singing."  
  
"Your guitar is in your mind!" Lammy spouted out her best bit of advice, which earned her some strange looks and a few minutes of explanations.  
  
Parappa laughed and looked up into a sign.  
  
/80's Cafe: Keep going straight Disco Tech: \  
  
And there it ended. Someone had taped over the rest of the directions. Knowing that disco means the 70's, Parappa knew there was only one culprit.  
  
"Those sisters are sneaky," he growled before pressing on.  
  
***  
  
DONE! Okay, people, need help!  
  
Songs for the 80's! I'm thinkin' "Walk Like and Eygptian" or "Love Shack", but my Mom says "Anything by Prince", and I don't know anything by Prince! Please help!  
  
(Oh, and if the story gets kicked off the site for asking for help, don't worry; I'll write the rest and re-post it.) 


	3. Freaky 80's Clothes and the Challenge of...

Old's Stuff's Cool Too! 3  
  
1980's!  
  
I'm back in... um... I guess I'm back in purple. This's the next part; me and the girls had just walked into the 80's Cafe. We weren't expecting much, but what we did see, I think, scarred us for the rest of our lives...  
  
***  
  
It blasted down on them in a flash of neon and day glow burning their eyes. People all around, dressed in white jackets with the sleeves pushed up, Izod shirts with acid wash jeans, miscellaneous day-glow shirts with tight fitting pants, and just about everything else considered WRONG by today's standards. Tables were scattered without order around the large, circular room, leaving only enough room for a small karioke stage in the wall opposite the door. People milled around as "Video Killed the Radio Star" blasted through high-fi speakers, Pat Beckett sitting smack in the middle, chatting it up with possum friends and falcon buddies.  
  
However, this did not last long.  
  
"PAT!"  
  
Pat, with her broad muzzle and dull eyes, glared evilly at the puppy. "You're actually here?"  
  
"What were you expecting?" Parappa rattled off with cool arrogance. "I wanna go back home."  
  
"I guess so..." Pat seemed bored, interested only in a drink she held in her hand. "So, what song did Celine let you sing?"  
  
"Um..." Parappa stalled, then turned to the girls behind him. "What was that song called?"  
  
"All Star," Katy Kat answered. "I think."  
  
"ALL STAR!!??"  
  
Pat was suddenly three inches away from Parappa's face, her drink thrown to the ground. "CELINE LET YOU SING 'ALL STAR'?!"  
  
Parappa puppy simply cringed, inching back ever so slightly while whimpering.  
  
Pat pulled herself back into a standing position and screamed to the group behind her. "Celine let a rapper sing 'All Star'! Isn't that giving the thing away?!"  
  
As the mix-matched crowd rabbled in agreement, the girls began to chat amongst themselves.  
  
"What's going on?" Lammy whispered to Katy.  
  
"I dunno!" Katy whispered back.  
  
#The 80's were confusing, there's your explanation,# Ma-san laughed.  
  
(The words "Pat Benetar Beckett" appeared on the bottom of the screen. Pat strikes a tough girl pose in front of the cafe's stage.)  
  
"Well, Celine always was a softy," Pat began her obligatory speech. "The songs I choose are a challenge to sing; they require talent, volume, and most of all... Image!"  
  
"Image?"  
  
Pat sneered, an evil glitter appearing in her eye. Her eyes fell sneakily upon Parappa's attire. "You're not gonna sing The Bangles wearing That, are you?"  
  
***  
  
"How do I look?"  
  
"Oh... um... (snicker)..."  
  
"Great! (snicker) You look.. (chortle) great- (giggle)-"  
  
#HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!#  
  
Parappa looked ridiculous. A neon green, Members only jacket, thrown on over a "Choose Life" t-shirt, tight acid wash jeans (Parappa was Apparently having trouble breathing), orange high-tops, and a single rhinestone glove over his right hand. Parappa's head, however, was untouched; his hat was sacred to him, and he was never allowed to take it off.  
  
Puppy-Rappa cocked his head naively, wondering why the girls were laughing. "What?"  
  
"Nothing-" Katy lied, covering her mouth so Parappa couldn't see her laughing.  
  
"Just- teehuhuhuh- go..go do your best up there you'll be great!" Lammy stuttered before breaking out into a gale of laughter.  
  
"Uh... yeah!" Parappa tried his cheer, but something didn't come out right. "I gotta... believe?"  
  
"Perfect!" Pat squealed giddily. "Now you look perfect! Let's go!"  
  
And with that, Pat yanked Parappa onto the stage, leaving Milkcan rolling on the floor.  
  
***  
  
(Lesson 1. Pat and Parappa are on the Karioke stage.)  
  
Pat: All the old paintings on the tombs  
  
They do the sand dance don't you know  
  
If they move too quick  
  
Other kids: (oh whey oh)  
  
They're falling down like a domino  
  
Parappa :All the bazaar men by the Nile  
  
They got the money on a bet  
  
(Neon lights shine behind Parappa. They say "GNARLY". He's not singing right.)  
  
Parappa: Gold crocodiles  
  
Other kids: (oh whey oh)  
  
They snap their teeth on your cigarette  
  
Pat: Foreign types with the hookah pipes say  
  
Parappa: Ay oh whey oh-oh, ay oh whey oh  
  
(Neon lights shine again. They said "RAD".)  
  
Pat: Walk like an Egyptian  
  
Pat: The blonde waitresses take their trays  
  
They spin around and they cross the floor  
  
Parappa: They've got the moves  
  
Other kids: (oh whey oh)  
  
Parappa: You drop your drink then they bring you more  
  
Pat: All the school kids so sick of books  
  
They like the punk and the metal band  
  
Parappa: When the buzzer rings  
  
Other kids: (oh whey oh)  
  
Parappa: They're walking like an Egyptian  
  
Parappa: All the kids in the marketplace say  
  
("GNARLY")  
  
Pat: Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh  
  
Parappa: Walk like an Egyptian  
  
(Parappa is surprised when the "RAD" sign doesn't light up.)  
  
Pat: Slide your feet up the street bend your back  
  
Parappa: Shift your arm then you pull it back  
  
Life is hard you know (oh whey oh)  
  
Pat: So strike a pose on a Cadillac  
  
Pat: If you want to find all the cops  
  
Parappa: They're hanging out in the donut shop  
  
Pat: They sing and dance  
  
Other kids: (oh whey oh)  
  
Parappa: Spin the clubs cruise down the block  
  
Pat: (switching very quickly in Japanese clothes) All the Japanese with their yen  
  
Parappa: (switching into party clothes) The party boys call the Kremlin  
  
Pat: (switching into Chinese clothes) And the Chinese know  
  
Other kids: (oh whey oh)  
  
Parappa: (Egyptian clothes) They walk the line like Egyptian  
  
Pat: All the cops in the donut shop say  
  
Parappa: Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh  
  
Walk like an Egyptian  
  
Walk like an Egyptian  
  
***  
  
"You passed?" Pat asked in disbelief. "But that's- no way!"  
  
"YES!" Parappa yelped, jumping up into the air. "YES YES YES YES YES!"  
  
Pat shook her head unbelievingly. "Wicked."  
  
***  
  
"Take the south road, don't stop until you reach the Falcon's club, then turn right."  
  
"We'll see the DiscoTech from there," Katy finished Pat's instructions, which Lammy was repeating.  
  
"So, I'm doing okay!" Parappa laughed. He had changed back into his normal clothes, thankfully, and was feeling as free as a bird. "Yeah!"  
  
#You looked ridiculous in that outfit!# Ma-san giggled.  
  
"I.... did?"  
  
"Oh no," Lammy sighed.  
  
"Aw, man, I did.....?" Parappa quickly sank back into his misery. He sat down on the sidewalk, a dark cloud circling him. "But I... I passed the test!"  
  
#Barely!# Ma-san corrected him. Lammy kicked her.  
  
"You didn't look that bad, Parappa!" Lammy tried to comfort him.  
  
"You woulda looked great if it were the 80s!" Katy snapped her fingers at the sudden idea. "Styles change!"  
  
"Yeah, you're right, they do!" Parappa lept back to his feet. "It Is Okay!"  
  
"Okay!" Lammy cheered him on, patting him on the shoulder. "Now, let's go Disco!"  
  
"Yeah!" Parappa howled. He and Lammy's faces quickly changed, however, as they figured out what they said.  
  
"Wait!" they spoke in unison. "Disco!?"  
  
Okay, next is 70s, don't need help there, because I know what I'm doing! 


	4. Gloria's Impossible Challenge and Parapp...

Old Stuff's Cool Too! Chapter 4; Gloria's Impossible Challenge and Parappa's Creative Solution  
  
To the 70's! I had a good idea for this chapter, so I didn't ask for help! Hoorah for me!  
  
It's me, your favorite sings-like-a-girl-and-looks-like-a-moron puppy rapper, Parappa. To make a long story short, we reached the DiscoTech. Looking back on it, isn't didn't seem as scary as it did when I first walked in, but when I first walked in...  
  
***  
  
It was near pitch black inside of the Disco, lit only by disco balls, strobe lights, and those things that kinda look like traffic lights but they're not. "Knock On Wood" was screaming over the stereos admists the hooting and howling of the disco-dancing crowd. Nearly everyone in the club had on a liesure suit; the colors varied. Only one place in the club had no people on it at the time; the dance floor, which had been fenced off with velvet rope, was being mopped.  
  
"KIDDIES!"  
  
Parappa-tachi startled and quickly huddled together, terrified of the large, hairy hulking figure before them. They could only see his sillouette, but the fact that the sillouette was bigger than the four of them combined x2 was enough to send them into shock.  
  
"AAAAHH!"  
  
"WWAAAAH!"  
  
"Grizzly, wait, that's them!"  
  
The figure turned, the light hit its face, and (yes) it was a grizzly bear. As he turned, Gloria stepped out from behind him.  
  
"Oh... they're not trespassers?" Grizzly asked.  
  
"No, Grizzly, now go back, okay?" Gloria coaxed the bear away from the terrified group of pre-teens. "So, you made it, huh?"  
  
"Uh huh," Parappa nodded, his arms around Katy's shoulders and Lammy's arms over his.  
  
"What'd Pat make you sing?"  
  
"Um... that Eygptian song."  
  
"Walk Like an Eygptian. She always loved that song." Gloria boredly worded as she batted a fly off of her tail. "Well, I'd tell you to get ready, get you all motivated for your song and stuff, man, but the dance floor's bein' cleaned. Can you wait about ten minutes?"  
  
The small group of three gals and a guy let go of eachother and stared at Gloria, surprised and yet grateful that she was being so calm. "Uh, is that okay with you guys?"  
  
"It's okay with me," Katy shrugged.  
  
"I'm fine with it," Lammy pushed back her hair.  
  
#It's alright for you, it's alright for you!" Ma-san began to sing. #It's alright for you! For you and you and you and you and you!#  
  
"Okay then, we'll wait." Parappa shoved his hand in his pockets.  
  
"Alright then, see ya on the flip side." Gloria began to walk away. She waved over her shoulder at the kids. "If you want, you can sit at a table and order a drink!"  
  
***  
  
"Who serves Hamburger Helper at a restaurant?!" Katy yelled in surprise, dropping a menu onto the floor in surprise.  
  
"Who even eats Hamburger Helper?!" Lammy stuck out her tongue. "Ewh!"  
  
#And take a look at this special! Hamburger Helper and an 18oz. Harvey Wallbanger! That is a lethal combination there!# Ma-san laughed.  
  
"My dad makes Manwiches for lunch sometimes when I get straight As on my report card!" Parappa pointed out.  
  
"Hey, Parappa, how do you pronounce this?" Lammy leaned over to Parappa's side of the table and pointed out one particular item on the menu.  
  
"Um... kwIiiche. Kwiche?"  
  
Katy looked onto Parappa menu and laughed. "That's 'quiche', Parappa! My Mom made me eat that stuff all the time when I was a baby!"  
  
"Hey, speaking of babies, weren't you supposed to be babysitting someone?" Parappa asked.  
  
"Yeah, I was, but then PJ showed up at my house and said you need my help. Now he's watching the kids."  
  
***  
  
PJ tried in vain to calm down the hyperactive tiger cubs. "NO NO NO! Put down the Oreos and find your shoes, Valiant! No- No Adult Swim! Your parent's kill me! No, don't cut the dog's hair now- gimme the Oreos! What's tha- those are his shoes! Tell him you have his shoes then find your shoes! Turn off the tv! Gimme that bag of Oreos! Get the dog out of the sink! Valiant, off the ceiling fan! Stop feeding the dog the Oreos! Gimme that bag of Oreos! No Adult Swim!"  
  
PJ made a dash for the phone as Valiant the tiger cub tried to jam a lampshade onto his head.  
  
***  
  
"Lucky PJ," Parappa mused. "He's lucky he didn't get stuck in this mess."  
  
"I think it's been okay," Lammy tried to encourage Parappa.  
  
"Yeah, and we're learning a whole buncha new songs for our band!" Katy Kat laughed. "Lammy, did you catch the guitar tabs for 'Walk Like An Eygptian'?"  
  
"Oh, I was supposed to get the tabs? I forgot, oops!"  
  
"Rap boy!"  
  
"It's Parappa!" the puppy yelled as Gloria stepped away from the Disco balls. "What do you want?"  
  
"The floors clean, and I've booked it for your number. Your suits waiting for you in the men's room."  
  
Parappa's face turned white. "Oh no... not that..."  
  
***  
  
(Music begins. Parappa and Gloria are standing on the dance floor. Parappa's in a white Disco suit that doesn't go well with his orange hat.)  
  
(Lesson 1)  
  
Gloria: First I was afraid, I was petrified  
  
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side  
  
But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong  
  
I grew strong. I learned how to carry on  
  
Parappa: And so you're back from outer space  
  
Gloria: I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face  
  
Parappa: I should have changed my stupid lock  
  
Gloria: I should have made you leave your key  
  
If I had known for just one second  
  
you'd be back to bother me  
  
Parappa: Go on now go, walk out the door  
  
(Parappa gets shocked by wet floor tile. He's not singing right.)  
  
Gloria: Just turn around now  
  
'cause you're not welcome anymore  
  
Parappa: Aren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye  
  
You think I'd crumble?  
  
Gloria: you think I'd lay down and die  
  
Oh no, not I  
  
Parappa: I will survive  
  
(Parappa gets zapped again. He's now at BAD rating.)  
  
Gloria: Oh, as long as i know how to love  
  
I know I'll stay alive  
  
Parappa: I've got all my life to live  
  
I've got all my love to give  
  
and um...  
  
(Parappa gets zapped again; he forgot the line.)  
  
Gloria: It took all the strength I had  
  
Not to fall apart  
  
Parappa: Kept trying hard to mend  
  
The pieces of my broken heart  
  
Gloria: And I spent oh so many nights  
  
Just feeling sorry for myself  
  
Parappa: (forgots line again) Um... line?  
  
(Gets shocked again. He's now at awful, so...)  
  
Gloria: (shakes her head) Sorry, square. You've failed the challenge.  
  
Parappa: I-I-I.... failed? (falls onto his knees in defeat) Nooooooo.....  
  
(Try again? Yes, no?)  
  
Parappa: I quit.  
  
***  
  
"I messed up... I failed... I'm never gonna get home now...." Parappa whimpered into his Manwich. Lammy sat next to him, rubbing his shoulders and whispering words of encouragement. Katy tried Over and Over again to get Parappa to actually Eat his Manwich, but she failed as well. All he did was stare at it, his gaze never straying, his eyes never blinking...  
  
#Uh... you look better in the Disco suit than you did in the 80s suit, Parappa!# Ma-san tried her hand at cheering up Parappa. He didn't respond, he just kept staring...  
  
Gloria approached the table, her fingertips on her cheek in worry. "Um... there's a wreck room in the back... if you want some privacy?"  
  
Parappa, after a few second's pause, nodded. He kept his eyes on his Manwich.  
  
"Okay, I'll find you the key." Gloria began to rifle through her pockets. "I've got some H.R. Pufnstuf videos, if you wanna watch 'em." Getting no reaction, Gloria began spouting off more pepper-uppers that she used on her sisters. "I've also got Shields and Yarnell, and the Muppet Show, and a bunch of the Match Game. But if you wanna watch one of the Love Boat videos, one of 'em magnetized, so don't panic if you get stat- here it is." Gloria pulled a miniscule key out of her back pocket. "Let's go."  
  
***  
  
"I failed the test..." Parappa moaned. He rubbed the satin cloth of his disco suit autistically. "How am I supposed to get home?"  
  
"We could stay here and wait 'til morning," Katy Kat suggested.  
  
Lammy looked around the wreck room. Pink walls, burnt orange walls with a stained coffee table; it was a wreck room alright. One little tv sat on the floor on the other side of the room. Ma-san sat in front of the tv, mesmorized by the taped episodes of The Electric Company. Beside the tv sat a milk bottle box, filled from side-to-side with pieces of cardboard. On the tv's other side was a turntable, clean and warm from recent use.  
  
"I don't think we could spend all night here." Lammy scratched her head. "I don't think the sofa folds out."  
  
#What's in here?# Ma-san asked herself, looking into the milk crate. #Paul McCartney... Led Zeppelin? Queen? The Who!#  
  
"The who?" Parappa's head snapped up, his attention wavering.  
  
#It's all the bands from the 70s that you forget were from the 70s!#  
  
"Like who?" Katy asked.  
  
#Exactly!#  
  
Parappa cocked his ear. "What?"  
  
#The Who!#  
  
"The who?"  
  
#Exactly!#  
  
"Exactly what?"  
  
#Not what, Who!#  
  
"Who?"  
  
#Right!#  
  
"What's right?"  
  
#Not what! Who!#  
  
"Who?"  
  
Ma-san fell over in exhaustion.  
  
Parappa examined the record box and pulled out one particular record. "Hey, I know this song!"  
  
He smiled evilly. "And I can sing this one, too."  
  
***  
  
(It's now retry time. There is no music as of yet.)  
  
(Lesson 1)  
  
Gloria: Is this the real life?  
  
Is this just fantasy?  
  
Caught in a landslide;  
  
No escape from reality.  
  
Open your eyes,  
  
Look up to the skies, and see.  
  
Parappa: I'm just a poor boy.  
  
I need no sympathy.  
  
Gloria: 'Cause I'm easy come, easy go  
  
Little high, little low.  
  
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me.  
  
Parappa: To me.  
  
(Lesson 2)  
  
(The music is very different; all the lights are blue. The music is very slow.)  
  
Gloria: Mama, just killed a man.  
  
Put a gun against his head,  
  
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead.  
  
Parappa: Mama, life had just begun,  
  
But now I've gone and thrown it All Away!  
  
(Blacklight-spotlight focuses on him; he's singin' good!)  
  
Gloria: Mama! Oo-OoOo-oo!  
  
Didn't mean to make you cry  
  
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow!  
  
Parappa: Carry on, carry on!  
  
'Cause nothin' really matters.  
  
(Lesson 3)  
  
Gloria: Too late, my time has come.  
  
Parappa: Sends shivers down my spine,  
  
Body's achin' all the time.  
  
Good-bye, everybody.  
  
Gloria: I've got to go.  
  
Parappa: Gotta leave it all behind and FACE the truth!  
  
Gloria: Mama!  
  
Parappa and Gloria: (harmonizing!) Oo-OoOo-oo!  
  
Gloria: I don't wanna die!  
  
Parappa: Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!  
  
(Lesson 4, guitar solo from Lammy. Tears are in her eyes.)  
  
(Music tempo speeds up.)  
  
Gloria: I see a little silhouetto of a man.  
  
Parappa: Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?  
  
Parappa and Gloria: Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me!  
  
Gloria: Galileo!!  
  
Parappa: Galileo! Galileo!!  
  
Gloria: Galileo! Galileo figaro!  
  
Parappa: Magnifico! I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me.  
  
Gloria: He's just a poor boy from a poor family,  
  
Spare him his life from this monstrosity.  
  
Parappa (giggling and smiling nervously): Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?  
  
Gloria (knowing what he's implying): Bismillah! No, we will not let you go!  
  
Lammy, Katy, and Ma-san (in background): Let him go!  
  
Gloria: Bismillah! We will not let you go!  
  
Lammy, Katy, Ma-san, and Parappa: Let him go!  
  
Gloria: Bismillah! We will not let you go  
  
Parappa: Let me go!  
  
Gloria: Will not let you go!  
  
Parappa: Let me go!  
  
Gloria: Will not let you go!  
  
Parappa: Let me go!  
  
Gloria: Will not let you goooooo!  
  
Everyone: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!  
  
Gloria: Oh mama mia, mama mia!  
  
Parappa: Mama mia, let me go  
  
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for meEEEEEEEEE!  
  
(Lesson 5)  
  
(Parappa hits the high note! His rating jumps to FANTASTIC!)  
  
(Rockin' guitar jams from Lammy! Parappa's bangin' his head, DU-NU NU-NU NU- NU! DU-NU NU-NU- oh, sorry.)  
  
Parappa: So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?  
  
So you think you can love me and leave me to die?!  
  
Gloria: Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby!  
  
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here!  
  
(More jammin' guitar stuff, then it slows down to the original tempo.)  
  
Parappa: Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,  
  
Nothing really matters,  
  
Nothing really matters to me  
  
***  
  
The fellow disco dancers burst into applause, unable to contain their happiness. Parappa blushed, surprised that he had made such a quick recovery. "I... I did okay?"  
  
Gloria jumped up and down giddily, her voice tight and her fists clenched. "THAT WAS SO BOSS, MAN! PSYCHEDELIC! You pass with flying colors!"  
  
Parrapa's dignity and confidence rushed back into his chest. "YES! Ha ha!"  
  
Lammy and Katy bounded to Parappa and quickly had him in a tight embrace, squealing and jumping around as girls did with him in tow.  
  
"You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it!"  
  
"Oh, man, Parappa, that was so cool! And you hit that high part, and the 'Bich me lach', that was so cool!"  
  
#Awesome! Tubular! Boss! Whatever, that rocked!#  
  
Parappa laughed in sheer ecstacy. Hearing a compliment from Ma-san was enough to make anybody's day!  
  
***  
  
Parappa was finally back in his old clothes, his head full of ideas, his chest full of pride, and his stomach full of Manwich. "That was fun back there with Gloria: You know, she made me feel more like I was singing with her than against her."  
  
Lammy smiled. "And you didn't even have to disco!"  
  
"Good thing there were some no-disco people in the 70s, or we woulda flunked that test," Katy Kat noticed.  
  
"You're right!" Parappa agreed. "I guess not following crowd can be a good thing sometimes!"  
  
#Hey, Parappa! I see a little silloutte of a man!# Ma-san burbled.  
  
"Scaramouche, scaramouche," he began to sing. "Will you do the-"  
  
"No Parappa!" Katy screamed, pointing to the wall over his shoulder. "There really is a silloutte behind you!"  
  
Parappa turned to the huge shadow behind him. He screamed before it stepped into the light;  
  
"Grizzly?"  
  
Grizzly the bear shushed the puppy. "The name's Adam. Listen, I'm here to give you a warning; when you go to challenge Aretha, Gloria's older sister, you need to have the challenge outside. No matter what Aretha says, you have to do the match outside."  
  
Parappa was startled and a little confused. "Um... why?"  
  
"Some weird stuff went on in the 60s," Adam began to explained. "Some of the stuff is PG rated, so I can't say it here. I just don't wait a couple of good kids like you getting mixed into that kinda stuff. Don't go into Aretha's trailer; stay outside."  
  
"Um.... okay?"  
  
"Thanks," Lammy finished. "I think."  
  
Oo, what kinda evil stuff is going on in Aretha's trailer? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON: OLD STUFF'S COOL TOO 4- I mean, 5; THE 60S! 


	5. Parappa and the Stoned Sixties Sister

Old Stuff's Cool Too, Chapter 5; Parappa and the Stoned Sixties Sister!  
  
You thought I was dead, but I'm back and I'm mad at myself that I didn't think of this sooner! What better way to describe the 60s tha- well, you'll see for yourself.  
  
HI! I'm back! Did you miss me? Yes? No? I hope you did. Well anyway, me and the girls all got to Aretha's trailer park and we were all paranoid about goin' in there 'cause of what "Grizzly" Adams had told us. So, we just stood there for a really long time in front of her door, trying to find out who would knock...  
  
***  
  
"I'm not touching the thing," Parappa told Lammy, who had asked him to knock on the AirStream's door. "You knock."  
  
"I don't know what's going on in there!" Lammy shouted. "Katy, you knock!"  
  
Katy's fur ruffled at the mere thought of her hand making contact the trailer. "I'm not touching that thing!"  
  
#Just knock, you bunch of babies!# Ma-san snarled.  
  
"Okay, Ma-san, you do it!" Parappa said while pointing to her. Ma-san purred pensively.  
  
#Uh... no thanks.#  
  
Parappa snarled in anger, looking very dog-like at the moment; he showed his fangs while curling his upper lip and everything! Katy acted uncharacteristically scared and hid behind Lammy.  
  
"This is stupid!" he roared. "How are we supposed to get home in time to explain what happened to my Dad if we can't even agree on who knocks on some stupid door?!"  
  
No one got the chance to answer that question, because the door to the trailer opened and Aretha stumbled out, not moving past the first step. She looked at Parappa with unfocused eyes. "Wha...... do I know you?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm here to sing my way out of this town and get back home before the sun rises!"  
  
Aretha just stared at him and shook her head. "Woah, woah, man. Too many words. Too many words. Short sentences, man" (Parappa checked his ears to make sure his hearing wasn't giving out on him; nope, Aretha was just repeating herself.) "Short sentences."  
  
Lammy and Katy giggled while Parappa spoke slowly. "You and me need to sing a song. If I sing better than you, you tell me where Gloria is. If you sing better, I stay here."  
  
"Oh, yeah!" Aretha tried to snap her fingers, but nearly launched herself off her stoop, making all four of the kids laugh. "Oh, yeah! That's right! You're the... little dog boy that likes rap! Okay, okay, I got a song. Just come inside. Come inside."  
  
Those were the words they did not want to hear; all the kids froze and began to back away. They all began to speak in unison.  
  
"Um, no! No thank you, ma'am, uh, Aretha, um, miss, uh..."  
  
"Uh, sorry, but, uh, we're not allowed in stranger's houses, and you're pretty strange..."  
  
"NO no no no no no no! Not going in there, okay? NO thank you!"  
  
Aretha shook her head to clear her thoughts and nearly flung herself off the stoop again. "Um... Okay... We can... um... do the thing outside, then..."  
  
(The words "Aretha Franklin Beckett" appear at the bottom of the screen. Smoke pours out from the door, making a weird ethereal effect.)  
  
"My music is not about melodies, talent, nothing' like that, man," she cooed. "My music is about heart, about making contact with aspects of the universe unimaginable, and showin' The Man what for, man- woah!" Aretha promptly fell off of her steps.  
  
Parappa gulped and whispered behind his shoulder to his friends. "There is something Wrong with this woman..."  
  
"Don't worry, we're behind you!" Katy Kat smiled. "You gotta believe!"  
  
The puppy nervously twisted his lips into a smile. "Uh.... Okay."  
  
*** (Parappa and Aretha are standing on a big blanket in the middle of the trailer park. A few animals come by to watch.)  
  
(Lesson 1)  
  
(Parappa immediately notices something wrong; Aretha can barely stand on her own two feet.)  
  
Aretha: Picture yourself in a boat on a river  
  
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies  
  
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly  
  
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes  
  
Parappa: Cellophane flowers of yellow and green  
  
Towering over your head  
  
Aretha: Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes  
  
And she's gone  
  
(Aretha suddenly slumps towards Parappa; he looks obviously disgusted and shoves her away with gusto. She snaps back into reality.)  
  
Aretha: Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
  
Parappa: Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
  
Aretha and Parappa: Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
  
Aaaaaah  
  
(Lesson 2)  
  
Parappa: Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain  
  
Aretha: Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies  
  
(Parappa's rating goes up; Aretha's voice is faltering, making him sound better.)  
  
Parappa: Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers  
  
Aretha: That groooow so increeeeedibly hiiiiiigh  
  
(Parappa wrings his hands nervously and inches away from the sagging Aretha.)  
  
Parappa: Newspaper taxis appear on the shore  
  
Waiting to take you away  
  
Aretha: Climb in the back with your head in the clouds  
  
(Aretha's eyes suddenly begin to dilate.)  
  
Aretha: And you're... gone...  
  
***  
  
Without warning, Aretha just passed out!  
  
Amid the terrified screams of the kids and the scramble of trailer-park patrons, Aretha was picked up by a neighbor who drove off with her to the hospital. Parappa and company hurried to follow, running as fast as they could to keep up with the truck.  
  
***  
  
"Well, now what are we supposed to do?" Katy complained as she waited for Aretha's diagnosis.  
  
"We need her to tell us where her sister is," Lammy explained, not knowing Katy wasn't being serious. "So, I guess we wait."  
  
"But that'll take too long!" Parappa growled. "How're we supposed to find Ella now?"  
  
A badger in a doctor's coat stepped into the room. "Aretha's fine. She'll be back on her feet in about a week."  
  
"A WEEK!?"  
  
"WE don't HAVE a WEEK!" Lammy shouted.  
  
Parappa whined in agreement. "How are we supposed to get home now?"  
  
The badger doctor startled. "Home? Wait, you've been pulled into the rap thing too?"  
  
The four teens(?) each felt a drop of sweat rolling down their temples. "Too?"  
  
"The Beckett sisters do this with every rapper they come across." The badger doctor adjusted his glasses. "Ella Beckett's house is right down the street from here. The brown house with the green door."  
  
Parappa smiled. "Wow! Thanks!"  
  
"Welcome!"  
  
DONE 'cause I am sick of working on this chapter! Last chapters coming up soon! 


End file.
